Where it's at

What exactly is Bush pledging his allegiance on here?

Is he a space alien with parts in different places than our own, or is he merely suffering from indigestion?

Or is he just f*cking stupid? We report. . .you decide.

In honor of New Year's Eve. . .

40 reasons to get drunk tonight

1. If you don’t drink that booze, by God, someone else will.

2. The brewing industry alone employs 1.7 million people and that’s a lot of mouths to feed.

3. Bad ass nicknames like “Chuggybear,” “The Alabama Hamma,” “Pukey McPukerson” are not awarded to people who stay home to do laundry.

4. Your favorite bar stool needs just one more sitting to break it in.

5. This is the one and only night your soul mate will wander into the bar. Seriously.

6. Word on the street is the booze has been trash talking you all day.

7. Without your brilliant wit and charm all those poor bartenders will be so dreadfully bored.

8. Dude, after what you did last time, you gotta go back out there and explain yourself.

9. It’s far better to have a good time you won’t remember than a dull one you will.

10. Remember that English high school teacher you and your pals used to call “Mr. McTightass?” You are so starting to remind me of him.

11. You can bet something really important and worthy of celebration happened on this day at sometime or another.

12. How the hell can you walk around sober when you’re an insignificant speck in an infinite and uncaring universe?

13. Churchill and FDR got drunk, Hitler didn’t. So what are you, some kind of Nazi?

14. If you don’t you’ll wake up in the morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and who the hell wants to go through life acting like a goddamn squirrel?

15. Your friends can’t have a good time without you.

16. Your friends might have a good time without you.

17. The Man says you shouldn’t and you don’t want to upset the Man, eh slavebot?

18. There is a 1000 percent better chance you will land a starring role in the upcoming Paris Hilton video Vegas Orgy.

19. Your lawn is so much more comfortable when you’re loaded.

20. You’re much less likely to remember doing all that embarrassing stuff.

21. That feisty barmaid might finally, you know, pick up on what you’re laying down.

22. Listen, are we down on this goddamn rock to have a good time or watch other people have a good time on TV?

23. Your girlfriend has rented a bunch of chick flicks you can snuggle to.

24. You’re under a lot of stress and if you don’t get crazy drunk you might do something crazy sober.

25. You gotta figure the odds of getting thrown in the drunk tank twice in one month are practically negligible.

26. If you don’t hunt the booze, the booze will surely hunt you.

27. When you write your memoirs you won’t have to go through the hassle of making up a bunch of decadent adventures.

28. Al-Qaeda forbids drinking and since when did you start taking orders from Al-Qaeda?

29. Let’s face it: modern life is a shit storm and booze is the only umbrella without any holes in it.

30. 7-11 nachos with extra cheese substitute and chili only taste good when you can’t remember eating them.

31. You did your goddamn monkey dance for the Man and now you get your monkey treat.

32. God hates the sight of you.

33. God won’t stop staring at you.

34. Your boss gets all weirded out when you get drunk during the day.

35. Three Stooges episodes you’ve watched a hundred times are suddenly hilarious again.

36. The day will come when you will have to single-handedly face death, and there isn’t a person alive who can tell you what will happen next.

37. Hemingway shot himself after being sober for two months.

38. When your coworkers ask “What did you get up to last night?” you can smile all cool like and say “Maaaaaan, you don’t wanna know,” instead of chirping “I alphabetized my DVD collection and found out I have two copies of The Truth About Cats and Dogs! Two!”

39. Remember your childhood dream of meeting a brewery heiress and jet-setting around the world on her dime? You think that’s going to happen while sitting in your goddamn apartment watching Captain Picard surrender the Enterprise for the tenth straight episode?

40. It’s so much easier to ring up those old flames and explain exactly where they went wrong.

Today's WTF? moment. . .

From the "just when you thought you'd heard it all" department:

Due to pressure from Bush Administration officials, the National Park Service is not permitted to give an official age for the Grand Canyon. Additionally, a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah's flood is for sale at the National Park's bookstore.

The sale of Grand Canyon: A Different View was scheduled for review over three years ago, but no such review has been schedule or even requested. The creationist book was the only item approved for sale in 2003 (22 other items were rejected).

Saddam Hussein executed

Reported by MSNBC at 10:08 pm EST. More as this story develops. . .but apparently he was hanged between 10 and 10:10 pm this evening.

Friday Nite Retro

Welcome to tonight's edition of Friday Nite Retro! This evening I'm featuring the work of Tim and Neil Finn. You may not recognize those names, but I'm sure you'll recognize their bands. . .

First up, from 1980, is "I Got You" by Split Enz:

The original Split Enz was formed in 1971, but had little success until Tim Finn took control with a new lineup in 1977. The band scored a trio of hit albums before breaking up in 1984.


Next we have the brothers performing as Crowded House, with their 1986 hit, "Something So Strong". I apologize for the quality of this one:

Split Enz members Neil Finn and Paul Hester teamed up with Nick Seymour to create Crowded House in the mid 80's. Mark Hart,Tim Finn, Peter Jones, Eddie Rayner and Craig Hooper were all part-time members during the bands tenure from 1985-1995.


Again as Crowded House, the Finn Brothers perform "Weather With You" in 1995:

Tim Finn also had a decent solo effort entitled "Before and After"(1993). You might recall the track "Hit the Ground Running" from that one. I was unable to turn up any video for that one.

And finally, from their most recent effort, the Finn Brothers performing under that very name (The Finn Brothers), with "I Won't Give In":

What's your accent?

I saw this one over at Left of Centrist, and just had to know:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North   You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The South
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

After you take the quiz, click over and visit my friend, Sheri, who's been the victim of a local troll. She does a great job over there discussing issues of families with special-needs children, but she's considering giving up blogging due to one inconsiderate local bully.

The Ford Interview: Iraq a "mistake"

President Gerald R. Ford, center, with Chief of Staff Donald H. Rumsfeld, left, and Rumsfeld's assistant, Dick Cheney, on April 28, 1975. (By David Hume Kennerly -- Ford Library Via Associated Press)

(As reported by The Washington Post)


On July 28, 2004, former president Gerald R. Ford sat down for an interview with The Washington Post's Bob Woodward. The interview was conducted at Ford's Beaver Creek, Colo., house; the former president agreed that his comments could be published any time after his death. Below are excerpts from the interview:

Ford says he does not believe the United States should intervene militarily overseas unless it is directly in America's national interests.

Ford says that, based on the facts as he understands them, he does not think that he would have ordered the Iraq war if he had been president.

Ford says he believes that President Bush, Vice President Cheney and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld erred in justifying the Iraq war as one aimed at eliminating Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction.

Ford says that while he never publicly criticized the Bush administration's war in Iraq, he does think they made a mistake in how they justified the war.


"I don't think I would have gone to war," he said a little more than a year after President Bush launched the invasion advocated and carried out by prominent veterans of Ford's own administration.

During the four-hour conversation at his house in Beaver Creek, Colo., Ford "very strongly" disagreed with the current president's justifications for invading Iraq and said he would have pushed alternatives, such as sanctions, much more vigorously. In the tape-recorded interview, Ford was critical not only of Bush but also of Vice President Cheney -- Ford's White House chief of staff -- and then-Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, who served as Ford's chief of staff and then his Pentagon chief.

"Rumsfeld and Cheney and the president made a big mistake in justifying going into the war in Iraq. They put the emphasis on weapons of mass destruction," Ford said. "And now, I've never publicly said I thought they made a mistake, but I felt very strongly it was an error in how they should justify what they were going to do."

In a conversation that veered between the current realities of a war in the Middle East and the old complexities of the war in Vietnam whose bitter end he presided over as president, Ford took issue with the notion of the United States entering a conflict in service of the idea of spreading democracy.

"Well, I can understand the theory of wanting to free people," Ford said, referring to Bush's assertion that the United States has a "duty to free people." But the former president said he was skeptical "whether you can detach that from the obligation number one, of what's in our national interest." He added: "And I just don't think we should go hellfire damnation around the globe freeing people, unless it is directly related to our own national security."

The Ford interview -- and a subsequent lengthy conversation in 2005 -- took place for a future book project, though he said his comments could be published at any time after his death. In the sessions, Ford fondly recalled his close working relationship with key Bush advisers Cheney and Rumsfeld while expressing concern about the policies they pursued in more recent years.

"He was an excellent chief of staff. First class," Ford said. "But I think Cheney has become much more pugnacious" as vice president. He said he agreed with former secretary of state Colin L. Powell's assertion that Cheney developed a "fever" about the threat of terrorism and Iraq. "I think that's probably true."

Describing his own preferred policy toward Saddam Hussein's Iraq, Ford said he would not have gone to war, based on the publicly available information at the time, and would have worked harder to find an alternative. "I don't think, if I had been president, on the basis of the facts as I saw them publicly," he said, "I don't think I would have ordered the Iraq war. I would have maximized our effort through sanctions, through restrictions, whatever, to find another answer."

"Must See" Hightower

America's favorite populist, Jim Hightower, speaks at the "Fighting Bob" festival in Wisconsin earlier this year. His mix of hard core irrefutable facts and figures and humor are irresistible!

Huh?

The fact that the following is an actual headline speaks volumes about the Bush presidency:

NY Times: New Evidence Shows President Bush Actually Reads Newspapers...

"Our Country"

I found this over on Torpor Indy today. In Torp's own words it "lists many atrocities in which the US government and people have been involved. This is a 3 minute video and is not for the faint of heart."

I deemed it to be a powerful message, and wish to share it with you, that you may,in turn, do the same:




(Words and Music by John Mellencamp)

You tell me

It' Make Your Own Caption Day again:

Disappearing world

Rising seas, caused by global warming, have for the first time washed an inhabited island off the face of the Earth. The obliteration of Lohachara island, in India's part of the Sundarbans where the Ganges and the Brahmaputra rivers empty into the Bay of Bengal, marks the moment when one of the most apocalyptic predictions of environmentalists and climate scientists has started coming true.

As the seas continue to swell, they will swallow whole island nations, from the Maldives to the Marshall Islands, inundate vast areas of countries from Bangladesh to Egypt, and submerge parts of scores of coastal cities.

Eight years ago the first uninhabited islands,in the Pacific atoll of Kiribati, vanished beneath the waves. The people of low-lying islands in Vanuatu, (as featured on Survivor) have been evacuated as a precaution, but their land still juts above the sea.

The disappearance of Lohachara, once home to 10,000 people, is unprecedented. The island is so remote that researchers first learned of the submergence of it and it's uninhabited neighbor when they saw they had vanished from satellite pictures. Two-thirds of nearby populated island Ghoramara has also been permanently inundated. And experts say "it is only a matter of some years" before it's swallowed up as well.

The Carteret Islands off Papua New Guinea were estimated to be the first populated ones to disappear, by around the year 2015, but Lohachara has beaten them to the dubious distinction.

Human cost of global warming: Rising seas will soon make 70,000 people homeless.

Refugees from the vanished Lohachara island and the disappearing Ghoramara island have fled to Sagar, but this island has already lost 7,500 acres of land to the sea. In all, a dozen islands, home to 70,000 people, are in danger of being submerged by the rising seas.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays to all! May the new year bring you health, happiness ,and prosperity!

Three Wise Men

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.

One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar'."

Curious GWB

From the same guys who brought you "Lazy Muncie". . .Enjoy!



And, just in case you missed that little gem (Lazy Muncie), here tis:

Friday Nite Retro

Welcome to this week's version of Friday Nite Retro here at Left in Aboite!

First up, the lovely new-wave trio of "The Flirts". Andrea, Holly and Rebecca had several dance hits and their videos were heavily featured on MTV in the early eighties, when the channel was still in its infancy. From their debut album "10 Cents A Dance"', here's my favorite, "Jukebox":



Next, we venture back to 1979 with "Pop Music" from M. "M" was more than just a one-hit wonder, he was a one-letter one-hit wonder. Robin Scott's pseudonym came from the Paris Metro signs, and the music itself came from a bunch of electronic instruments, production equipment and drum machines:



Paddy, I didn't forget. . .from 1981, one of my favorite tracks from Chrissie and Company, "Talk of the Town". Bassist Pete Farndon and Guitarist James Honeyman-Scottt didn't make it to the next album; both died from drug overdoses:



In fact, that felt so good. . .let's check in with Chrissie and the new boys in 1999. Watch her decimate all of today's little teen-angel pop queens:



In 2005, when The Pretenders were inducted into The Rock &Roll Hall of Fame, Chrissie noted her founding members with this sentiment:

"I know that The Pretenders have looked like a tribute band for the last 20 years. ... And we’re paying tribute to James Honeyman-Scott and Pete Farndon, without whom we wouldn’t be here. And on the other hand, without us, they might have been here, but that’s the way it works in rock 'n' roll."

Top Ten Signs

Top ten signs that Santa doesn't like your kid

10. Kid's letter to North Pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"

9. Kid asks for new bike, gets a pack of smokes.

8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.

7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are Styrofoam peanuts.

6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list.

4. Sends him off on a Carnival Cruise with Kathie Lee.

3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."

2. Labels on all your kid's toys read, "Straight from Craptown."

1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

AL-TV : The Simpson Interview

Elf Pickup Lines

• "Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful knees?"
• "We don't see many happenin' ladies north of the Arctic Circle."
• "That's quite a set of ornaments you've got there."
• "Just because a guy wears tights doesn't mean he's gay."
• "One night with me, baby, and you'll be sneezin' tinsel."
• "Why, yes, I am George Stephanopoulos."
• "I can't tell you how hard it is to be the only elf who's Jewish."
• "Not everything about me is tiny."
• "That's not Elmo, but don't stop tickling."
• "I'm down here!"
• "Just because I have bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy."
• "I was once a lawn ornament for Brad Pitt."
• "No, no, I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks at Keebler."
• "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig."
• "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners."
• "I taught Santa everything he knows."
• "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
• "I'm free on Christmas Eve."
• "Even Santa doesn't make candy as sweet as you."
• "I've got the keys to the sleigh tonight."
• "You know what they say about guys with big ears."
• "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man."
• "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys."
• "I can get you off the naughty list."

Today's "must see" video

WARNING: Not office-friendly!

A Psychological Christmas

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Amnesia - I Don't Know if I'll Be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Street and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants......

Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....

Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day but Couldn't Leave My House

Autistic - Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock
Senile Dementia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

Oppositional Defiance Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

Christmas at war

"It's one week before Christmas. 2,948 American families will be missing a family member this Christmas due to this immoral war in Iraq. According to a recent study it is estimated that around 650,000 Iraqis have also died since the war begin. This Christmas we need to all take time out of our busy holiday schedules to think about those who have been killed in the Iraq war.

It is up to us to make sure that this coming year brings many changes to help get our country back on track. Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ - who taught love, compassion, understanding, and most of all PEACE. Let this holiday remind us that peace is a possible goal and that we have much work to do in order to achieve it." - Ava Lowery

Ava Lowery, of Peace Takes Courage is a 16-year-old student and peace activist from Alabama. In mid-March 2005, she created her first animation. Since then she has made over 70 animations, many of them about the war in Iraq. The following is her latest work:



God bless you, Ava!

(Hat Tip to Donnie McDaniel!)

Christmas Traditions

As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys".

"Very nice Patrick", she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. Then we all go to the Bahamas."

Today's Quotes

"A new poll shows that one in five Americans believe they can't trust President Bush. To put it another way, more Americans would be comfortable accepting a ride from Nicole Ritchie." --David Letterman

"This is an anniversary. Do you know what happened on this day in 2003? We found Saddam Hussein. And isn't it nice that since we've captured Saddam Hussein, we haven't had to worry about terrorism or nuts with nuclear weapons? Everything's so much better now" --David Letterman

“I must tell you, I'm sleeping a lot better than people would assume.” - George W. Bush,

"This is kind of scary. The new head of the House intelligence committee, Congressman Silvestre Reyes, failed a quiz on terrorist organizations. He didn't know the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite, didn't seem to know what Hezbollah was. So apparently, the term 'intelligence committee' is just a suggestion." --Jay Leno

"All great questions must be raised by great voices, and the greatest voice is the voice of the people - speaking out - in prose, or painting or poetry or music; speaking out - in homes and halls, streets and farms, courts and cafes - let that voice speak and the stillness you hear will be the gratitude of mankind." - Robert Kennedy Jan 22, 1963

"The idiot president of Iran ... is holding a conference on whether or not the Holocaust actually took place. ... The good news? The conference is being catered by Taco Bell." --Jay Leno

"President Bush actually said today he will not be rushed into a decision about Iraq. I guess one time is enough for him." --Jay Leno

"This week a top general at the Pentagon said the War on Terror could take a 100 years to fight. President Bush was furious about the 100-year prediction and said, 'Stop setting a fixed timetable.'" --Conan O'Brien

McCain - 2008

Just in case you had forgotten John McCave's allegiances. . .

Joe Barbera dies at 95

Another piece of my childhood has just vanished, along with an amazingly talented man. Joe Barbera has died at the age of 95. Barbera was an animator, cartoon artist, storyboard artist, director, producer and co-founder of Hanna-Barbera. That studio produced cartoon favorites such as Tom and Jerry, The Huckleberry Hound Show, The Flintstones, The Jetsons, Scooby-Doo and the musical film, Charlotte's Web.

Barbera (originally spelled "Barberá" and pronounced barBERA by colleagues in the "special features" section of the Warner Video Tom and Jerry CD collection) was born in Italy. He started his career as a tailor's delivery boy. During the Great Depression he tried unsuccessfully to become a magazine cartoonist for a magazine called The NY Hits Magazine. In 1932 he joined the Van Beuren Studio as an animator and scriptwriter. He worked on cartoons such as Cubby Bear, and Rainbow Parades and also co produced Tom and Jerry. When Van Beuren closed down, Barbera moved over to the MGM studios.

Lured by a substantive salary increase, Barbera left Terrytoons and New York for the new MGM cartoon unit and California in 1937. The following year he teamed up with William Hanna on Puss Gets the Boot (1940), the first Tom and Jerry film, which was nominated for an Academy Award for Best (Cartoon) Short Subject.

Hanna and Barbera's 17-year partnership on the Tom & Jerry series resulted in 7 Academy Awards for Best (Cartoon) Short Subject, and 14 total nominations, more than any other character-based theatrical animated series. Hanna and Barbera were placed in charge of MGM's animation division in late 1955; however this was short-lived as MGM closed the division in 1957. Following this they teamed up to produce the series The Ruff & Reddy Show, under the company name H-B Enterprises, soon changed to Hanna-Barbera Productions.

By the late 1960's, Hanna-Barbera Productions had became the most successful television animation studio in the business, producing hit programs such as The Flintstones, The Jetsons, Jonny Quest, and Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! by the end of the decade.

Hanna-Barbera had been a subsidiary of Taft Broadcasting (later Great American Communications) since 1967. The studio thrived until 1991, when it was sold to Turner Broadcasting. Hanna and Barbera stayed on as advisors and periodically worked on new Hanna-Barbera shows, including the What-a-Cartoon! series.

After Hanna's death in 2001, Barbera had remained active as an executive producer for Warner Bros. Animation on television series such as What's New, Scooby-Doo? and Tom and Jerry Tales. He also wrote, co-storyboarded, co-directed and co-produced the theatrical Tom and Jerry short The Karateguard in 2005, thus returning to his and Hanna's first successful cartoon format. Barbera died of natural causes at home today with his wife at his side.

Harry. . .stop the buck here.

Harry Reid offered qualified support yesterday for a plan to increase U.S. troops in Iraq, saying it would be acceptable as part of a broader strategy to bring combat forces home by 2008, but only on a short-term basis.

Harry. . .No. I understand what you are trying to accomplish. I appreciate your attempt to reach out to these people. But Harry, you're wrong on this one. Please listen to these people:

"Any troop surge would be ineffective. U.S. forces are already overextended, and the American Army isn't large enough to secure Baghdad". - Colin Powell

"If we implement a short-term increase, won't our adversaries simply adjust their tactics, wait us out and wait until we reduce again? So I think you'd have to ask very serious questions about the utility of this." - Sen. Jack Reed (D-R.I.)

"I respect Harry Reid on this, but that's not where I am. There would be widespread opposition by members of the Senate Armed Services Committee if Bush proposed a troop increase." - Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-MASS)

"Any proposal to send more troops should only follow a political solution that will end civil unrest. The president and others who support the surge have it exactly backwards". - Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE)


"Increasing troops would run counter to recent recommendations by the bipartisan Iraq Study Group, which set a goal of withdrawing combat troops by early 2008 in support of more aggressive regional diplomacy." -Yahoo News

"Part of what has enabled this disastrous war from the beginning has been the willful delusion about who George Bush is and how he operates. "Harry Reid will go along with my plan if I tell him it's "temporary"? Fine, Harry, "the plan is temporary." - Arianna Huffington

Harry. . .do NOT play ball with this guy. In this high-level game of insane decisions and egotistical reactions, he will play you for all he can get. It's one of the very very few things he's actually good at. . .

You tell me

Welcome once again to "Make Your Own Caption Monday":



Put on your thinking caps and battle it out!

Native Wisdom

The old Indian chief sat in his home on the reservation, smoking his ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many years. You have seen all his progress and all his problems."The chief nodded. The official continued, "What do you think of all the white man has done?"

The chief stared at the officials for more than a minute, and then calmly replied.

"When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time."The chief paused, then added, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

Tagged!

The Undeniable Liberal has tagged me!

The rules for this one are as follows:

Find the nearest book. Name the book and the author. Turn to page 123. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog. Tag three more folks.

The nearest book right now is titled "BUSHIT! - An A-Z Guide to the Bush attack on truth, justice, equality, and the American Way" by Jack Huberman

"In the final months of the campaign, AG Ashcroft jumped into the fray - launching investigations of new voter registrations in poor and minority neighborhoods, where the GOP alleged voter fraud. "Republicans seem to have been laying the groundwork for an argyument. . .in the case of a contested Kerry win, that Democrats stole the election," wrote Clay Risen in The New Republic. A related move was to charge Dems with "reverse voter intimidation," such as in a claim by Florida Reublicans that roving bands of "Kerry thugs" were harassing early Republican voters.

Robert, Sheri, and Donnie, You're it!

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Friday Nite Retro

I've decided to go in a slightly different direction with FNR this evening. . .I'm going to showcase some favorite artists of mine that don't always get the mainstream airplay that they deserve. I think you'll enjoy these "alt artists". . .

First up, Jonatha Brooke with "Better After All". She has two other amazingly good songs that got some attention, "Linger" and "Steady Pull".



Next we have Ben Lee performing "Catch My Disease". His first single off of this album was called "Apple Candy". For a long time, I actually thought that was a new song by REM.



Sexy sultry Shivaree singing "Goodnight Moon":



Abra Moore having a really good time with her video for "Four Leaf Clover":



And that's a wrap for tonights edition of Friday Nite Retro! I hope you enjoyed these artists half as much as I do. =)

Congress and the Benefits of Sunshine

From The New York Times:

At first, the innovation sounds simple enough: Representative-elect Kirsten Gillibrand has decided to post details of her work calendar on the Internet at the end of each day so constituents can tell what she is actually doing for their money.

In fact, it is a quiet touch of revolution. The level of transparency pledged by Ms. Gillibrand, Democrat of New York — down to naming lobbyists and fund-raisers among those she might meet with — is simply unheard of in Congress. The secrecy that cloaks the dealings of lawmakers and deep-pocket special interests underpinned the corruption issue that Ms. Gillibrand invoked as voters turned Republicans from majority rule last month.

For all the worthy proposals for ethics reform being hashed out by the incoming Congress, a heavy dose of Internet transparency should not be overlooked in the effort to repair lawmakers’ tattered credibility. The technology is already there, along with the public’s appetite for more disclosure about the byways of power in Congress.

The Web is increasingly wielded by both campaign donors and bloggers clicking and tapping as wannabe muckrakers. Politicians would be wise to catch up. Local citizens were enlisted to track pork-barrel abuses in the last campaign by a new watchdog organization, the Sunlight Foundation, which enlisted Ms. Gillibrand’s disclosure pledge. It aims to have voters use the Internet as an engine of political information.

Much more than disclosure is needed to cure the Capitol’s ills — particularly some sort of independent agency to prod Congress to fully investigate corruption allegations. But prompt, searchable postings of basic data — from lobbyists’ itineraries and expenses to incumbents’ donor ties and legislative labors — should be part of any corruption cure. In the information age, this amounts to a modest proposal for a Congress truly intent on reform.

Soldier speaks out

I'm not even going to attempt to cover this one; the source material speaks for itself. Click on Phillip Martin's picture below to read his take on Iraq, as a U.S. soldier experiencing it firsthand:



Big HAT TIP to Human over at Carbon Paper!

My Travels

These are the states that I've actually set foot upon. I've seen a few of the others via airplane, etc.



create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

Hat Tip: Masson and Torpor

Nuckin' Futs!

Nuckin' Futs! The JibJab Year in Review | Send To Friends | Funny Animations at JibJab

Questions

I wanna know!

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their butt when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

The Fruitcake Lady

A sample of the wisdom of Marie Rudisill, the Fruitcake Lady, who died in Hudson, Florida on November 3, 2006, at the age of 95.

Age & Wisdom

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees."Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says."Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Darwin Awards for 2006

It's that time again. . . The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the greatest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.

This year's winner was a rocket scientist. . . really!

This year, the nominees were:

Semifinalist #1 - A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

Semifinalist #2 - Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

Semifinalist #3 - A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

Semifinalist #4 - A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

Semifinalist #5 - Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award:

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.

Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist...had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.

However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not on the ground.

Bear attack!

These pictures are of a man who works for the US Forest Service in Alaska and his trophy bear (killed in self defense).

He was out deer hunting last week when a large grizzly bear charged him from about 50 yards away. The guy emptied his 7mm Magnum semi-automatic rifle into the bear and it dropped a few feet from him. The big bear was still alive so he reloaded and shot it several times in the head.The bear was just over one thousand six hundred pounds. It stood 12' 6" high at the shoulder, 14' to the top of his head. It's the largest grizzly bear ever recorded in the world.Of course, the Alaska Fish and Wildlife Commission did not let him keep it as a trophy, but the bear will be stuffed and mounted, and placed on display at the Anchorage airport to remind tourists of the risks involved when in the wild.
Based on the contents of the bears stomach, the Fish and Wildlife Commission established the bear had killed at least two humans in the past 72 hours including a missing hiker.The US Forest Service, backtracking from where the bear had originated, found the hiker's 38-caliber pistol emptied. Not far from the pistol were the remains of the hiker. The other body has not been found.Although the hiker fired six shots and managed to hit the grizzly with four shots (the Service ultimately found four 38 caliber slugs along with twelve 7mm slugs inside the bear's dead body), it only wounded the bear and probably angered it immensely.The bear killed the hiker an estimated two days prior to the bear's own death by the gun of the Forest Service worker.

Think about this:If you are an average size man; You would be level with the bear's navel when he stood upright. The bear would look you in the eye when it walked on all fours! To give additional perspective, consider that this particular bear, standing on its hind legs, could walk up to an average single story house and look over the roof, or walk up to a two story house and look in the bedroom windows.

You tell me

Welcome once again to the official Monday edition of "Make Your Own Caption" day here at Left in Aboite, accept no substitutes! ;) Have at it you wonders of wit, you sneakers of snark, you sellers of sarcasm, you. . .oh just amaze me already!!

Bush Toons

"Don't tell Mama, I'm for Obama"

That's the unofficial motto of the Barack Obama campaign. It refers to Clinton's nickname as first lady and the conflicted loyalties of Democratic political aides, many of whom are talking to both camps about possible jobs in the presidential campaigns. Obama's explosive rise has startled Clinton and her advisers, who now are unsure of which direction they will take.

They may need to make that decision soon. . .Mr.Obama talked with Democratic deep-pockets such as George Soros in Manhattan earlier this week, and tomorrow he'll be visiting New Hampshire. And, Obama earned loads of gratitude and goodwill by campaigning doggedly for fellow Democrats this fall, often drawing the largest crowd of each campaign.

Colleagues say Clinton and Obama appear to genuinely admire each other. So far, they claim to see zero evidence of public rancor. "Everybody gets along just fine," said Tom Harkin. Ted Kennedy described the pair as "extra-dimensional individuals" and asserted in an interview: "There's no sort of pettiness or jealousy that I see. They understand the momentous nature of what the search for the presidency is all about."

I, along with most of you, was quite impressed with Obama's keynote speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. As the buzz about him first began to grow this summer and fall, my thoughts echoed those of Clinton donor and supermarket magnate John Catsimatidis: "He might be ready for prime time, but I think it's too early."

My thoughts, however, are beginning to change. Of the possible Democratic candidates for 2008, my top two choices are likely both out of the running (although I'm not officially counting out the second one just yet). Those choices were Russ Feingold and Al Gore. I always have, and still do, considered Evan Bayh as a contender. But he has made some choices that have not sat well with me. I think he may be, like Clinton, attempting to play to the middle too much. That was a great strategy in the '90's, not so much so today.

I don't want a weather vane for president; I want a true progressive leader. A leader who not only recognizes what's directly ahead, but what lays beyond the curve in the road. A leader whose policy direction isn't dictated by slight shifts in public opinion, yet is wise enough to alter course when facts and situations require this. I know that Russ Feingold and Al Gore are that type of leader. I'm fairly certain that Mrs.Clinton is not, and. . .Mr.Bayh, please take two steps back to the left so that I may consider you. Until then, I'll be keeping my eye on a certain Illinois Senator. . .

It's make your own caption day!

Friday Nite Retro

Time once again for another version of Friday Nite Retro here at Left in Aboite!

First up , from 1983, is L.A's Wall of Voodoo performing "Mexican Radio":



Next up, "Desperate But Not Serious" from the glam king himself, Adam Ant. His band, the Ants, also played as Bow Wow Wow:



And we end tonight with Tom Petty's "Don't Come Around Here No More". "Alice" in this video was played by Shannon Longoria (porn star "Savannah") who committed suicide in 1994:

Thought for the Day

Shamelessly stolen from JQP. . .

Thought for the Day:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Mary's Baby

All of the wingnuts are in an uproar over the announcement that Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Dead-Eye-Dick, is pregnant. Her openness regarding her sexual orientation has always been a point of contention for admirers of her father, and his vocal opposition to homosexual rights. Cheney's office has refused to comment on the matter thus far.

Janice Crouse of Concerned Women for America described the pregnancy as "unconscionable", adding "It's very disappointing that a celebrity couple like this would deliberately bring into the world a child that will never have a father; they are encouraging people who don't have the advantages they have." The Bush administration, which already has been chided by conservatives for what they felt was a halfhearted commitment to anti-abortion and anti-gay-rights causes in this year's general election, can't help but be damaged by this.

Carrie Gordon Earll of the conservative Christian ministry Focus on the Family, expressed empathy for the Cheney family but added, "Just because you can conceive a child outside a one-woman, one-man marriage doesn't mean it's a good idea. Love can't replace a mother and a father."

Mary Cheney, 37, and her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, 45, are expecting the baby in late spring, according to a spokesperson for the vice-president.The couple moved from Colorado to Virginia a year ago to be closer to the Cheney family.

Family Pride, which advocates on behalf of gay and lesbian families, noted that Virginia last month became one of 27 states with a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.
"Unless they move to a handful of less restrictive states, Heather will never be able to have a legal relationship with her child," said Family Pride executive director Jennifer Chrisler.

The couple "will quickly face the reality that no matter how loved their child will be. ... he or she will never have the same protections that other children born to heterosexual couples enjoy," Chrisler said. "Grandfather Cheney will no doubt face a lifetime of sleepless nights as he reflects on the irreparable harm he and his administration have done to the millions of American gay and lesbian parents and their children.".

Subject: Stress

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked,

"How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.

It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued,

"And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. (LOL)

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons...
Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

The world's richest 2%

From the UK Times:

The richest 2 per cent of adults own more than half the world’s wealth, according to the most comprehensive study of personal assets. Among the largest economies, Britain boasted the third-highest average wealth of $126,832 (£64,172) per adult, after the United States and Japan, a United Nations development research institute found.

Those with assets of $500,000 could consider themselves to be among the richest 1 per cent in the world. Those with net assets of $2,200 per adult were in the top half of the wealth distribution. Although global income was distributed unequally, the spread of wealth was more skewed, according to the study by the World Institute for Development Economics Research of the UN University.

“Wealth is heavily concentrated in North America, Europe and high-income AsiaPacific countries. People in these countries collectively hold almost 90 per cent of total world wealth,” the report said. Researchers defined wealth as the value of physical and financial assets minus debts. The richest 10 per cent of adults accounted for 85 per cent of assets. The bottom 50 per cent of the world’s adults owned barely 1 per cent of global wealth.

Wizards in Winter

I couldn't find this video to download last Christmas. You have likely seen it before, but it just HAS to be re-posted! Thanks to Marked Hoosier for finding it:

Hands off!

From Jim Hightower:

We know what average Americans think of politicians – but what do politicians think of us, the hoi poloi?

One clue is that numerous politicos are a little touchy about being touched by the masses. It turns out that many who make a living gladhanding really aren't even pleased about shaking our hands. Germs, you know.

For example, at an October fundraiser in Topeka, the Republican faithful lined up to shake hands with the headliner, Dick Cheney. Before getting to the Veep, however, they had to get past a lady standing adjacent to Cheney with a big bottle of Purell, a hand sanitzer that promises to kill "99.99% of most common germs." To get their grip-and-grin with the honoree, each person first had to accept a squirt of the goop to purify their hands! Then, after the meet-and-greet was over, Cheney ducked backstage and rubbed a generous dollop of the antiseptic into his own hands, cleansing himself of the human contact he had just endured.

The vice president is not alone in this act of political prissiness. "Good stuff," raved George W as he touted the purifying qualities of Purell. Bill Clinton also is a user, as is Senator Barack Obama. And Senator John McCain says, "I use it all the time. I carry it with me in my briefcase."

Not everyone believes in the shake-and-scrub routine, however. Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico bluntly says: "It's condescending to the voters." Richardson, who once shook a record 13,392 hands at the state fair without using a drop of Purell, adds that "The great part about politics is that you're touching humanity."

This is Jim Hightower saying... I'm with Bill on this. During my own politicking period, my right hand often reeked of various colognes, barbecue sauce, and spilt beer – but to use a sanitzer seems to me a bit like ballplayers using performance-enhancing steroids. If you're afraid of people's germs – find a new game.

The Repeater

Like father, like son. . .

You tell me

Alright everybody, it's Monday again. . .so dust off your grey matter and "make your own caption":

You know what REALLY burns my ass? ?

America's Holiest Book?

Excerpted From David Kuo's Blog:

...So the Bible is America's holiest book? Was there a vote? Did Oprah decide? Was it Jefferson? And if so was it his version of the Bible? Does that mean it is true of every American citizen? Even Kevin Federline? And if it is true then America, with its indifference to the poor and lust for money and power, would be seriously backsliding and in need of spiritual counseling.

No, the Bible isn't Ameirca' holiest book. America doesn't have a holy book. It does have two holy documents, however. One is called the Constitution. The other is known as the Declaration of Independence. That's it. Book study finished...

Problem Solved

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY. . .

There are Teachers, and then there are Educators.

White 'n Nerdy

Sunday RoundUp

Opening up Alaska's Bristol Bay and expanding drilling off Florida's coast — a goal of House Republicans before losing power to Democrats — would amount to "a last minute giveaway of public lands as an early Christmas present to the big oil companies."

Famed paleoanthropologist Richard Leakey is giving no quarter to powerful evangelical church leaders who are pressing Kenya's national museum to relegate to a back room its world-famous collection of hominid fossils showing the evolution of humans' early ancestors.

So, a Muslim is coming to the United States House of Representatives and he wants to be sworn into office with his hand on a Koran and not on a Holy Bible. Some conservatives have decided this may well be the end of American civilization. One columnist writes, "He should not be allowed to do so -- not because of any American hostility to the Koran, but because the act undermines American civilization." Some people's election loss grief counseling isn't going well.

President Bush and his top advisors fanned out across the troubled Middle East over the last week to showcase their diplomatic initiatives to restore strained relationships with traditional allies and forge new ones with leaders in Iraq. Instead, Bush's journey found friends both old and new near a state of panic. Mideast leaders expressed soaring concern over upheavals across the region that the United States helped ignite through its invasion of Iraq and push for democracy — and fear that the Bush administration may make things worse.

Banksy, the wryly subversive British street artist, has added a new famous name to his list of the lampooned: Michael Jackson. A new drawing by the Bristol native shows the ersatz King of Pop dressed as an old woman and kneeling with a candy cane in hand, opening the door of a woodland cottage in invitation for a young boy and girl waiting outside. The riff on Jackson in the predator's role from the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale is one of four works by Banksy on display at an exhibition space called Santa's Ghetto that opened Friday in central London, according to the Times of London.

Homeless?

For my Texan friends in the blogosphere:

Apparently THEY don't want him back, either. . .maybe that's why he's been looking at real estate WAY south of the border recently.

Note on the Fridge

From Nancy Greggs on D.U.:-- SSSHHHH! (Memo smuggled out of the WH!)

Apparently a kitchen staffer at the White House found this on the fridge door, secured by a “Support the Troops” magnetic ribbon:

Georgie:Now that Mommy and I have agreed to come and live with you at the WH (in yet another effort to save your sorry ass, as we have traditionally done) you are technically living under our roof.Therefore, you WILL obey the following House Rules until further notice:Other than necessary public appearances, you are hereby grounded. That means NO telephone and NO internetz! And don’t think you can sneak behind our backs on that one – we know how to wire-tap, too.

When you ARE allowed out, you will stand up straight instead of slouching, and will stop that incessant ‘heh-heh’ cackling. The whole world now knows you’re an IDIOT – you don’t have to go proving the point every time you open your mouth.Mommy has hired a tutor, who you WILL spend four hours with each and every day. Until you learn how to properly pronounce words like ‘nuclear’, you will not be permitted to threaten anyone, anywhere, at any time. Got it, bub?The very next time you use a word like “strategery”, or refer to “people putting food on their families” in public, you will have your mouth washed out with SOAP! Mommy spent a fortune on your E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N (NOT “edumacation”!), and she is tired of being embarrassed. Doesn’t the poor woman have enough worries on her beautiful mind, without THIS?

There will be NO MORE sleepovers! And yes, that includes that Jeff Gucki character – the one who keeps changing his name. There’s something strange about that guy; he gives both me and Mommy the willies, and it looks like he’s been over here WAY too often anyway. This ban also includes that bin Laden fella – and you can tell him to get all of that videotaping junk out of the rec room, PRONTO! Jesus, you can’t even shoot a game of pool down there without tripping over those crappy “cave” sets you two wasted so much time building.Mommy and I will now be THE DECIDERS when it comes to your playmates. It is obvious that despite our warnings, you’ve been hanging around with the ‘wrong’ crowd. We tried to get you to be best friends with Tony, that nice Limey kid, but you screwed it up – just like you screw everything up.

Uncle James is here to save your bacon – yet again. You will refrain from calling him by any of your cutesy nicknames. He is Mr. Baker or “sir”. I thought you learned your lesson when the Fundies found out they were referred to as ‘wackos’ and ‘wingnuts’ – don’t you EVER learn anything?You will NOT take Air Force One out “cruising” on Friday nights with the excuse that you and your friends are just “hanging out”. Mommy and I weren’t born yesterday. We KNOW what Zig-Zags are used for, and we KNOW that stuff on the little mirrors is NOT an anthrax sample. We have also marked the levels on all of the J&B bottles, so don’t even go there!

Out of deference to Laura, “Barney” can stay – but that other pudgy dog, the one you call “Rover”, will HAVE TO GO! Mommy wants to have him ‘put down’, but I am willing to give him away – assuming it’s even possible to find someone willing to give a home to such a vicious, ugly mutt.No, you cannot have a new country, so you can cross that OFF your Christmas list right now. You had two new countries to play with, and you broke both of them – and that’s not even including the one we’re living in.Stop teasing your brother with that, “Nani, nani, I have a job and you don’t,” crap. If it wasn’t for Jebbie, YOU wouldn’t have a job either.

The Oval Office WILL be cleaned up immediately! That means all Lego will be picked up off the floor, Star Wars action figures will be put away, and coloring books will be stacked neatly in the appropriate cubby. It’s bad enough everyone here at the White House KNOWS you don’t actually do any ‘work’ – do you have to make it so Goddamned obvious?Speaking of the Oval Office, that G.I. Joe wallpaper will be replaced NOW! Just how long do you think Mommy can keep photographers out of there? If you’re so enamored of the military, why didn’t you SHOW UP for duty instead of making Mommy write all of those, “Please excuse Georgie from the Viet Nam War today, because …” notes?

You will NOT contradict direct orders from me, Mommy, or anyone else now in charge by saying, “I don’t HAVE TO listen, because I’m the President and you’re not.” Guess what? YOU’RE NOT EITHER. At this point, that title is just a technicality.All of the above rules will be OBEYED. You have been an unbelievable disappointment from the day you were born. We realize now that thinking that would ever change was just a baseless illusion – kind of like the baseless illusion that the Republicans would win the mid-term elections.Junior, I’ve said it before, and I will say it again:

YOU ARE AN IDIOT!

Love and Kisses,
Mommy & Poppy